Empty

It seems like I've got a job but I'm actually still unemployed. All I've got at the moment are promises that they'd take me in but there's still no black and white.

Now I'm envying Noves because she is now ''living her dream''. She will be starting as a journalist in December and I believe it is a start of an exciting journey for her. How I'd wish more people would chase after their dreams and heartfelt desires. We have too many that have died without ever truly lived.

''All men die, few that truly lived'' - William Wallace.

At the moment I'm bored out of my wits and it's doing me more harm than good. Things have not been going on well lately. A falling out of a relationship, a not-so-apparent internal disorientation and deterioration and also a minor state of depression.

I'm still holding on to that promise that He knows the plans He has for me, one not to harm but to give hope and prosper (jer 29:11)

I've been reading a wonderful book called ''Wild at Heart''. It really opened my eyes to the problems that have been plaguing men, the lack of masculinity - the boys that never became men.

In this day and age where a lot of families are dysfunctional - missing the father figure, the book simply details on how do we - guys, get on that journey to rediscover and recapture our hearts. Most of my life dad has been absent and I have little fond memories, knowledge or experience of what it means to have a father to be there for you. To teach you the things only another man can teach to another.

And that has expressed itself in my own relationship with Christ. The term 'father'' always had a bittersweet taste to it. I longed for it yet with it was an anguish of impoverishment. Thus, my so-called father-son relationship and intimacy with Christ has always been a rollercoaster. The true meaning of it seems to elude me. Abba Father? I do not recall the last time I truly called out in that manner - I've never.

It's a dangerous thing to revisit past hurts but this is something I'd have to face if I'm to really know what it means to grow up to be a man in the arms of - dad in heaven.

My cry is that many more guys out there would realize the loss they've been dealt with and truly be men who truly live - courageous fighters, passionate, wild, genuine and bearing the mark of the Creator rather than being just...nice.